In his much-anticipated NSA speech, President Obama outlined four major reforms to the National Security Agency in the wake of leaked documents by notorious leaker Edward Snowden. Better late than never?
Addressing the changes he is proposing to the NSA, Obama said he would end the vast collection of phone data as it exists today. The reforms include putting a stop to spying on “friendly” world leaders, new protections for foreigners caught in US data collection programs, and prohibiting the NSA from storing large amounts of data. Under this new plan, details of phone calls would be held by a third party, and the NSA would have to seek legal permission before it could access that information – ultimately moving the data out of the hands of the government.
“We will not monitor the communications of heads of state and government of our close friends and allies,” Obama promised.
“The leaders of our close friends and allies deserve to know that if I want to learn what they think about an issue, I will pick up the phone and call them, rather than turning to surveillance.”
But despite the sweeping reforms, Obama stood behind the surveillance program, claiming that the aggressive practices of the NSA did not break the law, and that in many cases they were necessary to protect national security. Obama said US intelligence had prevented terror attacks at 体彩手机在线怎么下载 and abroad. How many terror attacks? Can’t say – it’s top secret. Just know that you WILL die in a terror attack if the NSA stops listening to your phone calls.
Iran’s semi-official news outlet, Fars News Agency, has taken conspiracy theories to the next level by proclaiming that the NSA documents revealed by Edward Snowden prove aliens have been secretly controlling U.S. domestic and also helped out Hitler.
Keeping in mind that Fars News is the same agency that picked up a story from the Onion back in September claiming an overwhelming majority of rural white Americans would rather vote for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than U.S. President Barack Obama in the upcoming U.S. elections (actually that might be true…), to say that this story should be taken with a grain of salt is an understatement. This story should be taken with a 10 gallon bucket of salt.
Anyways, the latest news from Fars is that the United States government has been secretly run by a shadow government made up of space aliens called “Tall Whites”. The aliens, who have been controlling U.S domestic policy since 1945, are based out of Nevada and had previously run Nazi Germany. After the aliens grew tired of building hundreds of Nazi submarines with their superior technology (which somehow wasn’t enough to win the war), they set their sights on the United States. Now President Obama is just a tool of the aliens, whose ultimate mission is to install a global surveillance system that will, somehow, allow them to finally impose a one-world government and enslave humanity.
And the proof for this alien conspiracy is in the pudding. And by pudding, I mean the nearly 2 million “top-secret documents” revealed by Snowden to Russia’s Federal Security 体彩手机在线怎么下载. Apparently these documents “confirmed” that the alien race was behind American efforts to create a global electronic surveillance system.
Need more proof than top secret documents that never actually made it to Russia? According to Fars News, former Canadian defense minister Paul Hellyer allegedly signed off on the story. Considering Hellyer is 90 and has previously argued that aliens have visited Earth many times, I suppose he could have, through his old-age fog, glanced at the Snowden documents and somehow confirmed Fars News’ suspicion that U.S aliens are on a path to world domination… I mean politicians have uttered weirder things, right?
Only one this is for sure with this story – we need Mulder and Scully on the case. The truth is out there! But you won’t find it at
Fox Fars News.
A federal judge ruled the National Security Agency’s mass collection of telephone data “likely unconstitutional.”
Stopping just short of unconstitutional, Judge Richard Leon said that the program clashes with the Fourth Amendment’s prohibition on unreasonable search and seizure and the electronic spy agency’s practice was an “arbitrary invasion”. The George W. Bush appointed judge went on to say the NSA’s collection of “metadata”, including telephone numbers and times and dates of calls, was “almost Orwellian”. Almost Orwellian? Likely Unconstitutional? Is Judge Leon just being cautious or is he afraid the NSA will secretly implant child porn on his computer if he pushes this any further?
Meanwhile, the man behind the whole NSA scandal has applauded the court’s ruling.
“Today, a secret program authorized by a secret court was, when exposed to the light of day, found to violate Americans’ rights,” wrote Edward Snowden. “It is the first of many.”
Snowden is still in Russia, searching for a place to call 体彩手机在线怎么下载 (that’s not Russia). On Monday, the White House rejected an amnesty for Snowden and continued to push Russia to send the notorious leaker back to the States. But Snowden has a new plan: a Brazilian exchange. In an “open letter to the people of Brazil,” Snowden offered to help its government investigate U.S. spying in exchange for political asylum.
In his letter, Snowden writes, “Today, if you carry a cell phone in Sao Paolo, the NSA can and does keep track of your location: they do this 5 billion times a day to people around the world. When someone in Florianopolis visits a website, the NSA keeps a record of when it happened and what you did there. If a mother in Porto Alegre calls her son to wish him luck on his university exam, NSA can keep that call log for five years or more. They even keep track of who is having an affair or looking at pornography, in case they need to damage their target’s reputation.”
So I guess his plan is to terrify Brazilians into taking him in?
A United Methodist pastor was convicted of breaking church law after he officiated at his gay son’s wedding.
After weeks of cross-examinations, witnesses and evidence, Rev. Frank Schaefer was found guilty of violating the faith on Monday by a 13-member jury of fellow Methodist pastors. More specifically, the charges were “conducting a ceremony that celebrates same-sex unions” and showing “disobedience to the order and discipline of the United Methodist Church.” Now the jury must decide Rev. Frank Schaefer’s penalty, which could range from a short suspension to losing all of his ministerial credentials. Schaefer was the first of five Methodist ministers to be accused by church officials of violating the church doctrine on same-sex marriage and is no stranger to the gays – three of the pastor’s four children are gay.
If there’s one thing Americans can thank the terrorists who crashed into the Twin Towers for, it’s the use of the word 9/11.
9/11 is the best defense ever! Why did you invade Iraq? 9/11. Why did you pass the Patriot Act? 9/11. Why are you torturing those prisoners? 9/11. Why is defense spending 250% of our GDP? 9/11. Why did Dick Cheney shoot an old man in the face? 9/11. And now it’s being used as a defense for NSA surveillance. According to a memo obtained by Al Jazeera America, the NSA instructed its officials to shout “9/11!!!” whenever they had to justify their love of spying. Under the subheading “Sound Bites That Resonate,” the memo suggests using the following phrase to justify their eavesdropping: “I much prefer to be here today explaining these programs, than explaining another 9/11 event that we were not able to prevent.” Pretty good – but they can probably simplify it a bit by saying “9/11.”
This post brought to you by your worst nightmare: a child-abusing clown. A Milwaukee man, dressed as a clown, drunkenly held a child over a railroad overpass. After returning 体彩手机在线怎么下载 from a Halloween party at 1a.m., Antonio Brown, asked his girlfriend’s two children, aged 13 and 8, to go on a walk with him. Lesson #1: never accept an invite from a drunken clown. Then Brown the Clown forced them to drink and dragged them into the woods. When they tried to escape, Brown picked up the older child and hung him by his feet over the railroad overpass while yelling, “If you do that again, I’m going to drop you.” Lesson #2: never try to escape from a drunken clown. Luckily a passerby saw the children crying, called the cops, and Brown was arrested and charged with two counts of physical abuse of a child and two counts of second-degree recklessly endangering safety. Gawker
While the U.S scrambles to defend their love of eavesdropping in the wake of recent allegations involving spying on foreign leaders, Russia has found itself in the middle of its own spying scandal – involving goodie bags.
Russia has been accused of spying on G20 leaders using a clever goodie bag ruse. According to the allegations made by two Italian newspapers, devious Russian agents placed USB pen drives and phone chargers in goodie bags at the G-20 that would copy and send sensitive information.
The devices found in the goodie bags were given to foreign delegates, including heads of state, at the summit near St Petersburg. Apparently the USB sticks contained a Trojan horse programme designed to obtain information and the cell phone chargers were also capable of secretly tapping into emails, text messages and telephone calls.
Suspicions were first raised about the Russian spying trickery by Herman Van Rompuy, the President of the European Council. He ordered the “poisoned gifts” from Putin to be analyzed by intelligence experts in Brussels, as well as Germany’s secret service. European Commission spokesman Frederic Vincent said that so far the “analysis of hardware and software have not amounted to any serious security concerns” but the investigation is not yet complete.
Dmitry Peskov, Vladimir Putin’s spokesman, vehemently denied the allegations, dismissing the Italian stories as nothing more than a poorly disguised effort to divert attention from the whole NSA fiasco.
“This is undoubtedly nothing but an attempt to shift the focus from issues that truly exist in relations between European capitals and Washington to unsubstantiated, non-existent issues,” he was quoted as saying by RIA news agency.
To sum up: everyone is spying on you, ALL OF THE TIME.
Kill a rhino, save a rhino! The Dallas Safari Club is auctioning off a permit to kill an endangered black rhino in Namibia.
Namibia has an annual quota to kill up to five black rhinos out of the country体彩手机在线怎么下载’s herd population of 1,795 rhinos. The rhinos who are singled out to be killed are aging, non-breeding beasts, which tend to kill off younger rhinos – so killing the mean older black rhinos is all part of Namibia’s population management technique. And now one lucky millionaire hunter can join in the fun! The Dallas Safari Club hopes to auction off the rhino kill for a million dollars – the proceeds of which will go towards The Conservation Trust Fund for Namibia’s Black Rhino. “First and foremost, this is about saving the black rhino,” Ben Carter, the executive director of the Dallas Safari Club said. But second and secondmost, it’s about killing the black rhino.
The newest revelation to come from the Edward Snowden leaked documents is that the NSA collected data on 60 million phone calls in Spain over the course of December 2012. The news comes after confirmation that numerous world leaders, including German Chancellor Angela Merkel, have had their personal phones tapped. Obama apologized to Merkel but claims he did not know what the NSA was up to. The NSA has so many eavesdropping operations they can’t keep track of them – let alone brief the president on them! But now that Obama (and the rest of the world) knows, it’s time to put a stop to it. According to Senate Intelligence Committee Chairwoman Diane Feinstein, the White House has decided to halt the spying programs targeting allied governments. “Unless the United States is engaged in hostilities against a country体彩手机在线怎么下载 or there is an emergency need for this type of surveillance, I do not believe the United States should be collecting phone calls or emails of friendly presidents and prime ministers,” she said. Unfriendly leaders, however, are fair game.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel called President Obama on Wednesday to have an angry chat over allegations a German paper made about the U.S tapping her cell phone.
This is how the awkward conversation went (in my mind):
Angela Merkel: I am VERY upset with you President Obama!
Barack Obama: I know. You’ve been calling everyone and complaining about it for days. I mean… nevermind… no one was listening.
The German magazine, Der Spiegel, broke the story, which prompted German intelligence to investigate. They determined that there was enough plausible information that Merkel’s cell phone was targeted by the NSA to warrant a stern talking to. The German chancellor is said to be “livid” over the reports and we all know what happens when a German leader gets angry… they make an angry phone call.
Angela Merkel’s spokesman Steffen Seibert said in a statement that Merkel told Obama that Germany “has received information that the chancellor’s cellphone may be monitored by American intelligence” and that such practices are “completely unacceptable.”
But the Obama administration is denying that the National Security Agency tapped Merkel’s phone and Obama assured the German chancellor over the phone that the U.S. is not monitoring her every text. Just every other text…
I don’t know… Given the recent reports about U.S spying activities in Brazil, France, and Mexico, it’s plausible that the U.S. has been tapping Angela Merkel’s phone. How else would George W. Bush have known that she wanted a back rub?