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            Archive | July, 2013

            The Chicago Tribune Knows What’s Important… And Other News

            Chicago Tribune Kitten

            The Chicago Tribune knows an attention grabbing headline when it sees one!

            For a glorious 16 minutes today the Chicago Tribune 体彩手机在线怎么下载page featured an adorable picture of a grey kitten with the text: Test, test, test, test, test. Spoiler alert: I think the test failed. That or the office kitten got a hold of the keyboard. Sadly, the Chicago Tribune fixed their “error” after 16 minutes of wonderful cat news but the newspaper is still hoping to win a purr-litzer prize for the article. Ok, that was bad.

            VaCATion Time

            Programming Note: Reagan is going on a vaCATion and will be back on August 12th with more news and more cats.

            Huma Abedin’s Islamist Ties Cause Anthony Weiner to Sext

            Huma Abedin

            The underlying reason behind Anthony Weiner’s sexting addiction has been revealed on Fox News: Weiner is un-attracted to his wife, Huma Abedin, because “she is connected with Islamists”. It allll makes sense now.

            It’s not Anthony Weiner’s fault he feels compelled to send dick pics to other woman. The NYC mayoral candidate couldn’t help it – he’s married to Huma Abedin, an Islamist who wants to “destroy America” with the help of her familial connections in the Muslim Brotherhood. Or at least this was Fox guest Brooke Goldstein’s conclusion during Thursday morning’s edition of Red Eye.

            When discussing the (second) Anthony Weiner sexting scandal, the Lawfare Project’s Brooke Goldstein said that the real question everyone should be asking “is why is Weiner so un-attracted to Huma Abedin.” And Brooke, a self-proclaimed human rights lawyer/some pole dancer who won a contest to appear on FOX, has the answer!

            “Perhaps it’s because she is connected with Islamists who want to kill us. Perhaps it’s because her family members are part and parcel of the Muslim Brotherhood. I completely agree with Andy McCarthy that she poses one of the greatest national security threats in this administration. She has access to the most classified information, because of her position with Clinton, about the Muslim Brotherhood, which creed is to destroy America.”

            Yes, it’s all part of Huma Abedin’s master plan. Step 1: Marry a Jewish perv. Step 2: Destroy America.

            “That’s big story here,” Goldstein insisted. “And I feel like it’s almost a setup. He’s sending these sex texts — or whatever we call them these days — just to distract from his wife.”

            Meanwhile, that a majority of Democrats (53%) think Weiner should drop out of the New York City mayor’s race and his overall support has dropped to 16 percent among Democratic voters.



            Current Event Cat of the Day: Israeli-Palestinian Peace Talks

            Current Event Cat - Peace Talks

            Israeli-Palestinian peace talks kicked off with a working dinner at the US State Department on Monday night. Nothing like a working dinner to ease your way into an impossible task.

            U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry is credited with opening the first direct peace talks between Israeli and Palestinian peace negotiators in three years. In the last five months, John Kerry has made it his mission to get this thing going, making six official visits to the Middle East in an effort to restart the negotiations.

            Mission accomplished! (In getting everyone in one room – not on negotiating any kind of peace deal). Top representatives of Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (Israeli Justice Minister Tzipi Livni and lead Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erakat) were at the White House meeting ready to get down to business. The new peace talks mark the first time the two sides will be holding face-to-face negotiations in nearly three years – even longer if you discount the last talks which failed after one day. This time the two sides have committed to at least nine months of talks – but neither is especially hopeful that they will get a good deal out of the other side.

            Reaching “reasonable compromises” between Israelis and Palestinians will be difficult, Kerry told reporters earlier Monday, adding that “the consequences of not trying could be worse.”

            “Many difficult choices lie ahead for the negotiators and for the leaders as we seek reasonable compromises on tough, complicated, emotional and symbolic issues,” Kerry said.“I think reasonable compromises has to be a keystone of all of this effort.”


            Well if there’s one thing the Middle East in known for, it’s reasonable compromises. So good luck with that John Kerry.

            Via: &


            Current Event Cat of the Day: Pope Francis & Homosexuals

            Current Event Cat - Gay Priests Pope Francis

            Pope Francis announces that that homosexuals should not be judged or marginalized and should be integrated into society.

            The Pope’s new position is that homosexual acts are sinful, but homosexual orientation is not. Therefore priests can be gay, as long as they don’t act on their urges – which shouldn’t be too difficult considering they’re supposed to be celibate. Same thing for pedophiles – as long as they don’t act on it, they can still be priests they can be priests regardless of how many young boys they’ve molested.

            Still, the Pope’s idea to forgive gay clergymen is a bit more progressive than Pope Benedict XVI, who signed a document in 2005 that said men with deep-rooted homosexual tendencies should not be priests.

            Pope Francis also stressed that god-loving homosexuals should not be shunned or discriminated against but rather integrated into society.

            “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has goodwill, who am I to judge?” Francis said on a plane returning from his week-long trip to Brazil.

            Looks like a little vacay in Brazil was all Pope Francis needed to get on board the gay train. Well, I wouldn’t say he’s fully onboard considering he still reaffirmed the Church teaching that homosexual acts are a sin. I guess it’s more like he has acknowledged homosexuals exist and others should exist along beside them. One step at a time!

            Pope Francis also said he wanted a greater role for women in the Church, but insisted the ban on women priests is “definitive”.

            “The Church has spoken and says no … that door is closed.”

            The Roman Catholic Church’s new slogan: “We’re progressive. But not really….”

            Via: &

            Weiner Loses his Lead… And Other News

            Weiner loses his lead

            Weiner loses his lead! Could it be because of the dick pics? Yes.

            At first Anthony Weiner was able to maintain his lead in the New York City mayoral race after admitting to sexting with various women after his resignation from congress, but now it seems his support is plummeting. According to a new poll by NBC 4 New York, The Wall Street Journal and the Marist Institute for Public Opinion, City Council Speaker Christine Quinn garners 25% support among Democratic primary voters compared with 16% for Weiner. The question is will Weiner now pull out of the race? And more importantly, will he ever pull his weiner out from in front of his phone?

            along the shore of Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean, an 18-year-old girl was fatally bitten in Recife, on the coast of Brazil. To sum up, sharks like teenage girls. Bruna Gobbi was attacked by a bull shark while she was being rescued from drowning. The teenager and her cousin had been swimming and began to struggle in the water. Moments before the lifeguards could rescue them, a giant shark bit Gobbi, severing her leg. Authorities are now wondering whether there should be a ban on swimming near Recife, a notorious shark zone.

            but the Luxury Cruise Ship, the Silver Shadow, failed to pass a sanitation inspection. The surprise inspection by the Centers for Disease Control resulted in a failing grade for the ship which is considered was of the highest end cruises around. The company said it charges passengers an average of $5,000 per week to sail. An anonymous tipster sent in photos of meat stashed in the sinks of crew members’ rooms and food trolleys hidden in hallways prompting the surprise inspection. Apparently during previous inspections crew members were asked to store unrefrigerated meat and cheese in their rooms. Still, I’d rather be on the Silver Shadow than the .

            Australian Billionaire Clive Palmer to Build Jurassic Park Knock Off

            Dinosaur Park Clive Palmer

            In a classic case of people who have too much money to know what to do with, Australian billionaire Clive Palmer has decided to build “the world’s biggest“ dinosaur park on the grounds of his Sunshine Coast resort.

            Are there other dinosaur parks for Clive Palmer to compete with? Am I out of the loop regarding dinosaur parks?

            Despite hundreds of objections filed by local residents, Clive Palmer got the green light to go through with his dinosaur park, which will be made up of giant robotic dinosaurs, including five Tyrannosaurus rex robots as well as a 10m Ruyangosaurus. The dinosaurs are on order from China体彩手机在线怎么下载 and will be able to move their tails and chests and blink their eyes. That’s it? What kind of Jurassic Park is this?

            The Sunshine Coast council voted unanimously in favour of the dinosaur park, hoping it will boost tourism to the region. The park has only one restriction: the dinosaurs must not roar too loudly. That shouldn’t be a problem considering they are programmable robots.

            Clive Palmer is also currently building a replica of the Titanic to re-enact the ill-fated ship’s Atlantic voyage in 2016 and has also recently formed his own federal political party: the Palmer United Party. So you know he’s full of great ideas and not crazy at all…

            When asked earlier this year why he was building the Titanic replica, Palmer said: “I want to spend the money I’ve got before I die”.

            Clive Palmer for Australian Prime Minister!


            Local Reporter Has Penis On Her Mind

            Local Reporter Penis

            Siobhan Riley of Michigan’s WJRT-TV Channel 12 was simply trying to explain the traffic congestion within a construction zone of Saginaw. But instead she drew a giant penis.

            Technology isn’t always your friend and Siobhan Riley learned that the “hard” way after she used a touchscreen television to report on construction in downtown Saginaw, Michigan. In what was either some kind of Freudian slip, a giant FU to her boss, or confusion about whether or not she was doing a story on Anthony Weiner, Riley scrawled a giant penis on the screen. Or maybe she was trying to convey that anyone driving near the construction zone would be screwed that day.

            The Tuesday night clip (seen below) quickly became popular – except among Fox News viewers. They’re too used to seeing giant dicks explaining the news.



            Current Event Cat of the Day: Spanish Train Crash

            Current Event Cat - Spanish Train

            Fast and the Furious 8: Train Edition. With Spanish subtitles.

            A passenger train derailed in Spain after it travelled too fast and too furiously around a curve. Reports indicate that the train was travelling at excessive speeds and ended up derailing outside Santiago de Compostela in northwestern Spain.

            The train was arriving at Santiago de Compostela, ahead of a major Christian festival in the religious city. Needless to say, the city of Santiago de Compostela canceled its annual July 25 celebration of St. James the Apostle, the patron saint of Spain and historic Galicia. The locals were NOT in a celebratory mood.

            Spain’s worst rail crash in decades left at least 78 people dead and dozens more injured. Passenger cars were toppled on their sides, and one was torn open. Emergency workers continued to sort through the mangled debris more than 12 hours after the train crashed and burned.

            The official cause of the crash has yet to be determined but since no technical problems were evident, everyone is giving the driver of the train the side-eye. One of the two train drivers has been put under formal investigation.

            The driver, who was temporarily trapped in the cab of the train, said that the train had taken the curve at more than twice the speed limit of 50 miles per hour.

            I hope no one died because it will weigh on my conscience,” he was quoted as saying.

            He’s in for a surprise. And a heavy conscience.

            Via: &

            Canadian Man Drinks and Swims to Detroit… And Other News.

            Detroit Swimmer

            A Canadian man is sorry for chugging eight beers and swimming across the water to Detroit.

            The 47-year-old Windsor man swam across the Detroit river just to prove to his friends he could do it. According to him, “If I’m going to be in the paper, I’d at least like them to say I actually made it, even though I got in trouble and everything. I gotta pay fines and stuff. But I don’t want it to sound like I didn’t make it, because then my buddies are going to say ‘ha, ha, you didn’t make it.’ Because that was the whole thing, to show them I could do it.” I guess I’d be sorry too if I spent the night drinking and wound up in Detroit. Sadly with Detroit’s demographic, not many can swim out of Detroit and into Canada.

            Only in Japan Would a Haiku Killer Exist

            Haiku Killer

            Hundreds of police are searching for the Haiku Killer, a 63-year-old man accused of murdering 5 people and burning down 2 体彩手机在线怎么下载s in a small Japanese town with only 16 residents.

            5 victims out of 16 residents?? So the Haiku Killer basically murdered a third of the town. The suspect, who has been MIA since Monday, left the police a clue in the window of his 体彩手机在线怎么下载 in the form of a Haiku poem. According to the authorities, the poem translated as: “Setting on fire, smoke gives delight, to country体彩手机在线怎么下载 fellows.”

            The Haiku killer is thought to have burned down two 体彩手机在线怎么下载s after murdering five elderly victims in their sleep. The victims were found in the smoldering remains of their 体彩手机在线怎么下载s, and were later discovered to have been beaten to death. All five reportedly died instantly after being struck on the head with a blunt instrument.

            According to the remaining residents of the town, the man reported to be the Haiku Killer was known to be unfriendly and “something of a troublemaker”. After his parents died 8 years ago, he grew increasingly alienated and began taking medication. Also, one of the victims frequently fought with him over his dog, who she didn’t like. So obviously she had to be burned to death. I’d write a Haiku about it, but I’m not Japanese.


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